The sheer nature of boss-employee relationship, regardless of how laid-back it might be, guarantees that there will be at least some friction and tension. The boss, in essence, needs you to do some work for them and has a spectrum of tools to use in getting what they want out of you. This will always cause strain, that’s just how it is. Work-related stress falls under the top five life pressures for the majority of working people. Read more “Difficult Bosses: A Man’s Survival Guide”
You might be saying, “duh” right now that pets can help you with mindfulness and loneliness. Or, maybe the connection isn’t as clear to you yet. Have you owned a pet before? How did your pet make you feel? If you have had one, you probably remember the times you were doing something and then had to completely shift your focus because your pet did x, y or z. Or, the times when you were running around the house, then stopped to hang out with your pet because it just felt good for a minute (or… a mindful moment). See what we did there?
Pets help us shift our focus, sometimes for the good, and sometimes for the “not so good” like when you have to clean up a mess. Yet, either way, they can take our attention from our heads to our hearts and that unconditional love they give (except for a few swarmy cats perhaps!) is a trait humans should be aiming for each day. Read more “Pets Can Help You With Mindfulness (And Loneliness)”
When you have been hurt by a family member or loved one, you can truly heal by seeing their point of view. “But they are wrong!” you might say to yourself. Or you might scream to yourself “I am F-ing RIGHT!!.” While putting up a fight might seem like the right and logical thing to do in the moment, it’s not always the best path in the long run. The first step you must take in this situation is to acknowledge and validate your own feelings about what is happening. Also consider if any past unresolved experiences are contributing to the current emotionally charged situation. Then, take a few slow, deep breaths.
Next, you can try this simple exercise when you have to see someone you have been in conflict with. You can heal by going with the flow and seeing the situation from their point of view. Let me explain…
Their Point of View is Actually Still a Point and a View
Understanding someone’s motives when they have hurt you is extremely difficult. Yet, for human growth, it is important to try to see from all angles. It takes a very strong person to do this, so kudos on trying at all. Most don’t. You’re ahead of the game already.
You see, every person is motivated (usually) by similar things: their basic needs, the need to feel loved, and the need to feel understood. We’re all humans after all… And, we live in a chaotic world where we really don’t know what’s next each day. Fear can oftentimes consume even the most put-together of us.
An Exercise in Perspective
In our counseling practice, my team and I use journaling as a way to self-reflect and work on our emotional responses. Journaling also helps us gain clarity and work on our goals. It also acts as a filter when we have angry thoughts, which can very much be the case when a loved one has “wronged us in our minds.”
Here is an exercise to try when you will be encountering the person who hurt you (perhaps repeatedly such as a relative at the holidays or someone in your workplace for example.).
First, Journal from Your Point of View, Then Theirs, Then Burn It
Write down the experience first from your side. You can include every little detail so that you get it out of your mind and onto the paper. Include the reasons why what they did (or didn’t do) hurt your soul. It’s okay to be self-indulgent here. This is your point of view, just get it all out. The paper is there to be your filter.
Next, (and this is an important part of the healing) challenge yourself to write down the same event from their point of view. This can be a stretch. It can be really hard to do. Especially when you feel you still are the victim in the situation (and perhaps rightly so!). Consider the human needs hierarchy, their past, their present and why on earth something may motivate them to react or act in the way they side. Write down their whole story.
Feel like you got both sides down? Okay. Now, get a metal waste bin or lay wet paper towels down in the sink. Get a match or lighter. Next step? Burn that motherfucker. Watch it burn and with it, you might find a little piece of pain burning away with it.
Healing from Practicing Perspective Exercises
Regularly practicing empathy and letting go in this way can really heal you heal from painful (and repeatedly painful) experiences with others. For example, many of us do not choose our family. Yes, there are friends we choose who become like family, however, most of us have family members who we wouldn’t necessarily choose to be around if we had the option. We usually still love them anyway.
How would it feel to put some differences aside and try to “burn away” the pain? How could you grow by writing down the other’s side’s point of view, stretching yourself to consider their perspective? We hope you’re nodding your head and saying, “yes… yes, this could really work.” It can and helps so much when it comes to mindfulness in your daily life and during stressful times like the holidays or company projects.
About Stephen Rodgers Counseling of Denver
Our Denver-based practice helps men gain back control in their lives. My team and I seek to focus on men’s issues as it relates to many areas of life. Our counseling team often works with men on organizing their lives, rebuilding relationships, focusing on growth, working through challenging problems, and of course, helping men see things from the other’s point of view for conflict resolution.
The sky’s the limit and you still have time in your life to make changes. If we’ve resonated with you, consider clicking below to schedule a counseling session with myself or a member of our talented and mindful therapy team. We hope you join us soon. We’re ready for you man.
In our previous blog “Attachment Styles and How We Relate to Others” we talked about four main ways in which we tend to form our relationships and try to satisfy our emotional needs
We also mentioned that attachment styles are something that we acquire in our childhood and mostly stick to it throughout our lives.
This post will dig deeper into what potential problems a non-secure attachment style can cause for our life and that of our partners, as well as why and how we can prevent or stop maladaptive behavior in romantic relationships.
Where is the problem?
Our attachments originate from our first attachment experience, that with our primary caretaker, usually our mothers. Following this relationship, we build on it over the course our formative years and add in different beliefs about the world and the people that surround us.
With time, we incorporate all our early experiences and form what we believe to be our own way of approaching others and needing them. Yet, the problem arises basically from the fact that, when we first acquired our attachment style, we had fairly shallow and necessarily limited understanding of the world. But we rarely revisit these deeply rooted feelings, ways and beliefs as adults.
So, if we grew up, for example, with our needs in childhood being inconsistently satisfied, or not at all, it is possible that we will form a worldview in which we, on one hand, have strong need for intimacy, but on the other, we strongly doubt that we are worth it.
In other words, the fact that our needs were unpredictably satisfied when we were growing up made us develop a profound feeling of our own inadequacy, of not being deserving of love and praise. We interpreted this situation as being our fault because we lack what was needed to receive the affection that we needed. And we hardly ever set our intention to address such conviction when we grow up – we just have an overwhelming feeling of not being good enough, while we also crave closeness and bond. We develop a preoccupied attachment style, and spend our relationships in an anxious and insatiable need for closeness that we never seem to satisfy to the fullest. This especially becomes a problem if we seek out a dismissive partner, which is often the case. Then our behavior could be, and often is, described as clingy, possessive, demanding of attention, and it is often what drives others away.
Or, if you grew up to be a dismissive-avoidant individual, you will most likely indulge in pseudo-independence, as you probably decided that “you don’t need anyone” as a way of coping with unsatisfied emotional needs as a child. You learned to shut down emotionally and to disconnect easily from others, often as a consequence of being or feeling abandoned by your caretaker(s). This might have worked for you at that moment and helped you cope with enormous pain of not being able to develop closeness with your mother or father figures, but such strategy prevents you from forming significant relationships and experience intimacy as an adult, robbing you of a very important aspect of life.
Fearful-avoidant attachment style is often developed in a household where the child could not count on his or her needs being met, even when it comes to the most basic ones. It is not uncommon that a fearful-avoidant adult survived a trauma as a child. Such person will realize the need for an intimate relationship with others and crave it, but also feel terrified of the possibility of being hurt. As a result, the romantic relationships that you will experience will be explosive, full of turmoil and stress, often described as passionate and wild, but basically highly unhealthy for everyone involved.
What to do about our non-secure attachment styles?
In short, as adults, we will tend to confirm our deep-seated and most commonly unconscious convictions of how interpersonal relationships should look like, and especially how romantic partners ought to interact. Unfortunately, if our attachment style is insecure, these beliefs will set a stage for countless troubles and heartbreaks. This is why it is important to determine our attachment style and to address any non-secure elements with a psychotherapist who will help you find your way through this maze.
Especially helpful for this kind of issue is eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy (or EMDR). For most of us, our memories begin with recollections of what had happened to us when we were somewhere around the age of 5. Yet, the relational trauma and the development of insecure attachment style mostly occurs even earlier in our childhood, when our memories are non-verbal and remain in the sphere of emotions. This is why EMDR is highly effective choice of treatment, as it mobilizes the brain’s adaptive information processing mechanisms and can, therefore, re-pattern our non-secure attachment style that was formed before our thinking became predominantly verbal.
By choosing to work on your attachment style with a psychotherapist, you can finally free yourself of your early experiences and your early understanding of the world, and liberate yourself to form authentic and meaningful intimate relationships.
Meditation is Part of Mindfulness.
It’s a notion that is possibly as foreign to an average Western guy as is yoga, if not even more. (Lotus flower what?) Yet, meditation has always been traditionally practiced by men in the Eastern Hemisphere where it originates from. In our previous post, we spoke about yoga for men. We discussed why it is so difficult for men to initiate interest in practicing it, and once they’ve overcome that hurdle, how to get past the social, physical, and psychological barriers that are prominent in Western society. Most classes are still a majority women.
Yoga is becoming more and more widely known, and accepted by men however. It’s been long known that football teams have used other balance-oriented physical activity such as ballet to improve strength. Thus, mindful, wellness oriented men are aware of the good benefits of yoga. Empirically, meditation has also been proven repeatedly to increase mental and physical wellness. Yet, even so, it’s still difficult to overcome those societal “barriers.”
Mindfulness meditation is a practice in which a person exercises voluntary attention in order to bring their mind into a state of greater clarity, calmness, and balance. You’ve probably heard about mindfulness here or there and you might even know that it supposedly brings a lot of good to those who practice it. While this is definitely true, let’s dig deeper into the effects it has on your mind and body.
Why Try Mindfulness Meditation?
- Mindfulness reduces rumination.
- Intrusive repetitive thoughts are associated with depression and other emotional disorders. Even novices report ruminating less after as little as ten days of mindful meditation.
- Mindfulness reduces stress.
- This is among the most researched and solidly established effects of mindfulness meditation.
- Mindfulness boosts working memory.
- Mindfulness boosts our cognitive functioning and our working memory efficacy. Such effects of mindful meditation increase our overall productivity and clarity of mind.
- Mindfulness increases focus.
- Those who practice mindful meditation have a greater ability to focus one’s attention and ignore distracting stimuli.
- Mindfulness leads to a reduction in emotional reactivity.
- Mindfulness makes us the rulers of our own emotions. You can better control your anger, jealousy, bitterness, or any other negative feeling.
- Mindfulness brings greater cognitive flexibility.
- By being less emotionally reactive (and having greater focus as well as a more efficiently operating working memory), our minds become more flexible. Some would describe it as being more creative in work, relationships, or thinking in general.
- Mindfulness helps our relationships.
- Many studies show that mindfulness increases our self-awareness and empathy by reducing impulsive reactions. Meditation also helps to decrease rumination and holding on to past (negative) events or conflicts.
- Mindfulness brings health benefits.
- In addition to these psychological effects, mindfulness is closely associated with a range of health benefits. Meditation helps increase immune system functionality, reduces in the strain put on cardiovascular system, improves cortisol levels and provides a neurological system “reset.”
There are Many Forms of Meditation.
In essence, this is a wide term that can encompass many practices, some of which you might already be exercising in some way even if you’re not aware of it. Meditation, in a sense, is any form of conscious and deliberate effort to focus your mind or influence the state of consciousness for the sake of greater balance, concentration, empathy and understanding, and gain control over your thoughts, emotions and actions. Therefore, whenever you, for example, tried to count to ten before reacting, attempted to stop ruminating, reminded yourself to be in the present instead of thinking of past ills, you performed a kind of meditation without knowing it. So, there’s no good reason why not to try a more structured and guided mode of those efforts in a form of mindfulness meditation.
What is interesting is that many interventions in psychotherapy incorporate mindfulness and meditative techniques. So, if you feel that you need a gradual introduction to meditation, visiting a psychotherapist who will help you with your focus, stress, emotions, balance… This could be a little closer to our Western way of thinking and an opening to the benefits of Eastern practices at the same time. Speaking of, that’s how I also operate my practice. Read more about my unique zen-influenced modalities.
Davis, D. M. & Hayes, J. A. (2012). What are the benefits of mindfulness. Monitor on Psychology, Vol 43, No. 7, p. 64
Stop. Breathe. & Think. App on iPhone.
You might as well stop reading this right now. Seriously. Go outside! Read a book! Anything’s better than scrolling, scrolling… well, you get the picture. Ah, well, since you’re here though, let me explain why you should get out there and experience the world rather than sit here and listen to me. Maybe you can take a walk when we’re done and see how you feel afterwards.
Basically, it’s just all an illusion.
Truly. It’s been proven time and time again how easily someone can manipulate pictures just by the angle or lighting. Here is one of my favorite collections of how we know that everything on Facebook and Instagram could be a lie.
There are powerful companies and influential bloggers behind so many social media profiles that you have to remember that not every picture is reality. Then, advertisers pay them to keep up their profiles. “Real life” is how marketers operate now. In some ways, it is transparent, showing you what people are eating, doing, seeing. Yet, the other side of the camera is someone carefully crafting the photo and set up. Then, many times, adding after effects.
Everybody lies a little bit on social media.
Disagree? Okay fine. How about exaggeration at the least? The fact is, we don’t take pictures of the mundane activities in our lives. Everyone is sharing their “amazing” parts in life. Have you heard the quote about not comparing your behind the scenes with another person’s on-stage performance? It applies to social media too. It’s important to remember that they too have regular lives behind the scenes.
And, here’s some more evidence that we found from a New York Times article recently. Basically, the stats add up to show that things are disproportionately attributed on social media. For example, “Americans spend about six times as much of their time cleaning dishes as they do golfing. But there are roughly twice as many tweets reporting golfing as there are reporting doing the dishes.”
Further, people also keep some guilty pleasures to themselves and thus represent an incomplete picture of who they really are. (Who’s that busting some Taylor Swift back there?) They might never admit it, but there are activities and interests that many people have that they also keep to themselves. Thus, once again, social media only represents a curated section of our lives.
In my practice, it usually comes back to balance every time. I can’t say to not use social media whatsoever, for to do so, you might limit yourself to only knowing about certain events or miss out on staying in touch with an old friend. However, limiting your own access to social media or even deleting the app from your phone from time to time can really help you break the semi-addictive “scroll cycle” that many of us are victims to.
Checking in with social media is fun sometimes and helps you stay connected by sharing news or something you’re proud of. A little too much and you start to know a few too many details about each other’s lives! (Totally not weird? Weird? Yeah.) Either way, looking at social media and getting affected by its contents is where it starts to affect your day.
How does it go down? How about this. You call a friend to hang out, get lunch, dinner, whatever. No response. Then, a few hours later, you see this epic group shot of a majority of your friends climbing a mountain together. What? No invite? Are we even friends? Am I someone people don’t want to be around or something? And, it can go downhill from there. Remember Rule #1 though, it’s all an illusion. Once you find out the reason behind the lack of an invite (i.e. “We knew you had to work at 3pm and this was a 10 hour thing,” etc.), it all makes sense. Yet, the emotional response to the picture is what affects us so much and causes us to draw false conclusions at times (leading to potential arguments and meltdowns!).
Social media is a place where people’s ego’s can shine. It is also a place for connection and beautiful moments. In a digital “world” like social media, any number of real life feelings are going on. It can be a “Wild Wild West” of content and jibber jabber. And, when you open up your device, you never know what you’ll see first to set your mood off for the day. Remember this and try to set your own boundaries so social media doesn’t sweep you up and steal your precious time and energy. Okay, bye now!!!
You might refer to your pet as your “fur kid,” but have you ever thought about the relationship between your pet and your actual kids? New research from the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Cambridge suggests that the relationships between children and pets are far more important than previously thought.
The study was conducted by surveying twelve-year-olds in 77 households with multiple children and at least one pet. The results suggest that these kids prefer Fido to fighting with a sibling.
FIGHTING LIKE CATS AND DOGS
We’re all familiar with sibling rivalry. If a child feels they aren’t getting as much attention or recognition as their sibling, they will sometimes pick fights with a sibling or act out to satisfy their emotional needs. Childhood can be tough for kids with siblings to navigate; each child is struggling to find their own individual identity while competing for validation from adults.
A pet satisfies a child’s need for emotional connection, and according to the University of Cambridge, can have an important impact on his or her development. According to the study, participants reported more satisfaction and less conflict with a pet versus a sibling.
Matt Cassels, a Gates Cambridge Scholar, led the study. ”Even though pets may not fully understand or respond verbally, the level of disclosure to pets was no less than to siblings,” he explains. “The fact that pets cannot understand or talk back may even be a benefit as it means they are completely non-judgmental.”
PETS AND SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT
A child can divulge his or her deepest, darkest secrets to the family pet without fear of judgement or retaliation. This is an important element in child development, as it allows children to discuss their fears and thoughts in a safe environment. It may seem silly to lament your problems to an animal, but researchers have a different opinion.
“The social support that adolescents receive from pets may well support psychological well-being later in life,” says Nancy Gee, Human-Animal Interaction Research Manager at WALTHAM and a co-author of the study. “But there is still more to learn about the long term impact of pets on children’s development.”
There is still more research to be done, but so far the science points to pets having a positive impact on a child’s mental health and development.
LOSING YOUR BEST FRIEND
Owning a pet that you hold near and dear to your family can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, the animal provides emotional and social support to your kids; on the other hand, sometimes Fluffy doesn’t live as long as we’d like him to.
One study by Joshua Russell, an assistant professor of animal behavior, ecology and conservation at Canisius College, in Buffalo, N.Y. suggests that children react to the loss of a pet much differently than adults do. “They often see themselves as the center of their pets’ affections,” Russell said in a college news release. “They describe their pets as siblings or best friends with whom they have strong connections.”
Children see pets as best friends to share secrets and memories with. These pets are important members of the household, and it is important to remember this when discussing the loss of a pet with your child. Allow them to grieve, and explain to them that their pet did everything he was put on this earth to do. Encourage your child to open up with their feelings about the pet, and help them feel as supported and encouraged as Bowser did.
We all know about the “winter blues.” We’re happier during the summer because we’re soaking up all of that vitamin D, but when winter comes around and vitamin D is diminished, many people feel a dip in their moods. Each season, subtle variations in weather actually have an effect on our mood and emotions, both in positive and negative ways. The more aware you are of these effects, the more control you have over your own situation giving you more opportunities for changes to help yourself.
Moods Change with the Seasons
Starting with the positive attributes of weather, sunlight does way more for you than just helping your tan, your moods are enhanced too! Vitamin D and sunlight actually increase your production of serotonin which, as most of you probably know, is the hormone responsible for your happiness. As a result, the way you interact with the world tends to be more positive. Studies have shown that during sunny days, people are more open to romantic endeavors, they tend to be more helpful and (businesses will be glad to hear) they tend to spend more money. Unfortunately, even the sunlight has negative points as well. Primarily that warmer weather does tend to bring out peoples more aggressive nature, causing us to be, quite literally, hot headed.
On rainy days and during the winter months, depression tends to rear it’s ugly head. Along with that, physical activity tends to take a dive and not just because we don’t want to go outside as much. Colder weather affects our muscles by causing them to tighten and feel more sluggish as a result. Rain can cause actual pain in our bodies as our muscles and joints adjust to the colder temperatures and the pressure changes in the atmosphere. On top of all of this, colder days lead us to eat more than we would during the warmer days. Maybe it’s our evolutionary way of surviving the wintry months, but the result can lead to negative feelings about your body image which, in turn, only increases your chance of depression and lower mood swings.
Blasé days and moments of depression may not stand out at first, but as the weeks go on and those days increase, they can become a serious issue for many. Luckily, there are ways to combat the weather’s effects and try to stay happy and positive. For some, buying a solar simulator may do the trick. Basically it acts as your source of sunlight during the darker seasons and tricks your body into producing higher levels of serotonin. Countries like those in the Netherlands that experience drastically shorter daylight hours during winter use these all the time to keep their mood up!
Gloomy Skies Can Spell Gloomy Moods, Don’t Let Depression Win
Pushing past the tendency towards sluggish days and getting yourself to the gym is another great way to keep your energy levels high. Even if it’s below zero and snowing outside, the gym will (hopefully) be heated and full of active bodies encouraging you to get moving too. If you’re into winter sports, skiing and snowboarding are always wonderful, but only if you’re lucky enough to have easy access to the mountains. (Thank you Colorado!) One family trip during the season may help temporarily, but won’t be enough to carry you through the season.
Choosing the right foods during the winter can also do wonders for your mood. Focusing on fruits and vegetables and not depending on carbs is actually the best way to keep your body and mind healthy during the winter. Yes, fruits and veggies are always great but during the colder days they have even more benefits and can be the tipping point between a great and less great day. In addition, chocolate is also a recommended treat to help boost your serotonin. Like sunlight, chocolate triggers a part in our brains that releases more of the happy hormone and can help keep a smile on your face.
Mental health is still something many psychologists are fighting to understand better. We are constantly discovering new facts and details about the mind that help us to comprehend ourselves better. Sometimes you may suffer from chronic depression but other times it may just be Mother Nature playing with your emotions. Understanding the difference between the two can be incredibly helpful and assist you in ways to manage yourself on a more day-to-day basis and finding a healthy balance for your mind and body.
Seeing a therapist can balance out all of the physical and mental well being activities that you pursue. I welcome anyone to see if we’re a fit for each other. I promise it’s not awkward, and you can schedule online. It’s easy to start. Just click here to pick your own day and time based on your schedule. I look forward to hearing from you. If you liked this article, please share or feel free to contact me here.
They say if by the end of your life, if you can count your good friends on one hand, you are truly a lucky man. How many can you count? Have you noticed that as you grow older and age, your friends have started disappearing as regulars in your life? Times change. We know that. Our friends get married, have kids….or we do and they don’t and our interests change. Let’s look at men and friendship and find out ways to improve your current relationships and build new ones.
In fact, an Australian study reported in 2005 that “family relationships had little if any impact on longevity, but friendships increased life expectancy by as much as 22 percent.” We want to live longer, we want to have fun, we want social interaction, we want guy time, and we want friends. But why do they seem to drift away as we get older?
A lot has to do with effort. For whatever reason, if you get caught up in your head about having nothing to report, still pick up the phone and dial. Connect with your old friends. Call them and see what they are up to. They will probably be elated to hear from a friend too. Trust me, many guys are experiencing this same issue with friendship. It will be a welcome call. Ask your friend to get together and make a plan before hanging up the phone. Beers Friday at 8? Brunch at the Bacon House on Sunday? Bring the family over for BBQ in a couple weeks? Whatever your inclination toward fun and mutual activities you enjoy, make them. Just do it. Friendship is important.
Recently moved or just wanting to make some new friends? There are lots of women’s groups out there…men’s not so much. But, if you look, you can find them. There are book clubs, beer clubs, trivia clubs, hiking clubs, Crossfit groups, bicycle groups, running groups….you name it, it’s out there. Now, chin up and go. And, if you find one you like, be regular about it. You have to be consistent in order to form new bonds. You got this dude.
It’s easy for many to fall into “the marriage trap” of depending on your spouse or partner to be your best and only friend. Yeah they’re great and all (sarcastic with smile), but you need variety in your relationships to truly live a happy and balanced social life.
If you’re still nervous to venture out into the friendship pool on your own, try leveraging your partner. Can you find another couple who has similar interests as you? Bring the baby, put the sound reducing headphones on that kid and go to a concert together. Love your pups? Find a “bark bar” that allows humans and fur creatures and grab a bev. Camping’s your jam? Get your gear, grab your couple friends and spend a night under the stars.
Life with friends is better! Come out of the cave and interact with the world. You can do it. Still feeling a little shy? Contact me to see if maybe men’s counseling is for you. Trust me, I work almost exclusively with men and I’ve heard all the excuses (I’m fine, I’ll figure it out, I don’t need help, therapy is for wussies, etc.). Nope. It’s not true. Counseling for men is simply a space to vent without having to affect anyone in your life. Just think about all the times you’ve tried to tell your partner or family member something that’s going on with you, only to end up in a huge fight over a misunderstanding. Yeah, delete all that. Come see me. To start, just click here or below to pick your own day and time that work for you. I look forward to seeing you.
Wayne Brady is a household name in America and is known for being a cheerful and outgoing character in all of his appearances. He’s the guy that wants to make you smile! In a recent interview with Entertainment Tonight (watch the video here), Brady says: “People are like, ‘Wayne Brady’s always happy!'” he says. “No I’m not. Because I’m human.”
Wait. A celebrity admitting he’s human? Wow.
There is a lot to learn here and Wayne Brady is paving the way to bring his personal battle to light for the greater good. In fact, he says, he has been suffering privately from depression for many years. The stigma of admitting to having a mental illness is what keeps many from opening up about their issues.
Brady says that after the death of his colleague and friend, Robin Williams, due to suicide in August of 2014, he felt the need to speak out.
Brady describes what his depression feels like:
“Having a bad day is one thing, having a bad week is another, having a bad life … You don’t want to move, you can’t move in the darkness,” he explains. “You’re like, ‘I am just going to sit right here and I want to wallow in this. As much as it hurts, I am going to sit right here because this is what I deserve. This is what I deserve, so I am going to sit here because I am that horrible of a person.'”
While Brady faces the additional challenge of having to put on a show every day in his professional life, we as regular dudes have to perform every day in the show of life. We have to look cool to our friends, suave to our partners, and smart to our bosses. Trying to maintain appearances while dealing with depression is hard.
If you’re trying to keep it together for outward appearances, you’re likely to push away the thought of asking for help too. My advice is seriously, don’t do it. Asking for help is manly. It can improve all aspects of life, including your work and your relationships. And, it allows you a private space to vent, talk, discuss things you can’t really tell anyone else, whatever you want to use the space for.
When Brady realized it was time to ask for help, he says, “It took me a while to get my stuff together to go, ‘You know what? If you’re not happy, you have to do something about it. Just to admit that you are feeling this way is a huge step. To claim that, to say, ‘Why do I feel dark? Why do I feel unhappy? Let me do something about this.'”
You can do it bro. If you’re ready to give it a try, just click below to easily pick a day and time that work for you. Find out if you’re comfortable talking with me and if you get a good vibe from our conversation. If so, we’ll go from there and work out a schedule that fits your lifestyle. My door is open. Click here or below to begin.