They say if by the end of your life, if you can count your good friends on one hand, you are truly a lucky man. How many can you count? Have you noticed that as you grow older and age, your friends have started disappearing as regulars in your life?
Times change. We know that. Our friends get married, have kids….or we do and they don’t and our interests change. Let’s look at men and friendship and find out ways to improve your current relationships and build new ones.
In fact, an Australian study reported in 2005 that “family relationships had little if any impact on longevity, but friendships increased life expectancy by as much as 22 percent.” We want to live longer, we want to have fun, we want social interaction, we want guy time, and we want friends. But why do they seem to drift away as we get older?
A lot has to do with effort. For whatever reason, if you get caught up in your head about having nothing to report, still pick up the phone and dial. Connect with your old friends. Call them and see what they are up to. They will probably be elated to hear from a friend too. Trust me, many guys are experiencing this same issue with friendship. It will be a welcome call. Ask your friend to get together and make a plan before hanging up the phone. Beers Friday at 8? Brunch at the Bacon House on Sunday? Bring the family over for BBQ in a couple weeks? Whatever your inclination toward fun and mutual activities you enjoy, make them. Just do it. Friendship is important.
Recently moved or just wanting to make some new friends? There are lots of women’s groups out there…men’s not so much. But, if you look, you can find them. There are book clubs, beer clubs, trivia clubs, hiking clubs, Crossfit groups, bicycle groups, running groups….you name it, it’s out there. Now, chin up and go. And, if you find one you like, be regular about it. You have to be consistent in order to form new bonds. You got this dude.
It’s easy for many to fall into “the marriage trap” of depending on your spouse or partner to be your best and only friend. Yeah they’re great and all (sarcastic with smile), but you need variety in your relationships to truly live a happy and balanced social life.
If you’re still nervous to venture out into the friendship pool on your own, try leveraging your partner. Can you find another couple who has similar interests as you? Bring the baby, put the sound reducing headphones on that kid and go to a concert together. Love your pups? Find a “bark bar” that allows humans and fur creatures and grab a bev. Camping’s your jam? Get your gear, grab your couple friends and spend a night under the stars.
Life with friends is better! Come out of the cave and interact with the world. You can do it. Still feeling a little shy? Contact me to see if maybe men’s counseling is for you. Trust me, I work almost exclusively with men and I’ve heard all the excuses (I’m fine, I’ll figure it out, I don’t need help, therapy is for wussies, etc.). Nope. It’s not true. Counseling for men is simply a space to vent without having to affect anyone in your life. Just think about all the times you’ve tried to tell your partner or family member something that’s going on with you, only to end up in a huge fight over a misunderstanding. Yeah, delete all that. Come see me. To start, just click here or below to pick your own day and time that work for you. I look forward to seeing you.
