Okay! You’ve recently developed a steady relationship with the women of your dreams! Or, maybe you are in a relationship that could use some revamping for both you and them to keep the romance brewing. One thing that should always be considered is the need for boundaries in relationships.
It is important that a relationship have healthy and consistent boundaries for both parties to continue to develop personally, as well as a couple. And, boundaries help the relationship to be free of any unnecessary conflicts.
Here are six topics that you might want to consider to make sure that both parties maintain healthy boundaries in romantic relationships.
Lack of boundaries
Have you ever been in a relationship that started off steamy, but quickly dwindled once your personal investments became, not so personal anymore? Your choices, your actions, your interests suddenly became one of scrutiny and finally disinterest that left you bearing the brunt of a broken relationship.
Well this, my friend, can be the result of lack of firmly set boundaries from the get-go. Lack of
boundaries can lead your partner in expecting your full attention, constant shared interest and friends. It can also result in you denying your own personal choices and needs. You might also start to bend over backwards to make your partner happy, agreeing to their every demand. However, this view of what is expected in a relationship is unrealistic and unsustainable. Eventually, the relationship that started out hot and exciting will burn out as you become more resentful because you didn’t set firm boundaries in your romantic relationships at the start.
Keep your Social Life
Do you remember when you had that group of friends before the relationship? The ones that you went out with, worked out, had lunch, and went to events with? Well those same friends are still important and needed in your life. Although you may have developed a difference in lifestyle, and the freedom of going out to a concert or party every weekend is no longer a realistic for you in lieu of your relationship, it is important to keep in contact.
You need a social outlet in your relationship!
Set the boundary with your partner of what situations are approved and unapproved and make it fair for both of you. If a night out with the boys is what you can responsibly achieve, then let your partner know how important it is for you to blow off steam with the guys alone. In fact, your partner should be doing the same with their select group of friends.
Taking time to immerse yourself in a social outlet, whether it be friends or family members. Doing so can give you some tips on how to improve and maintain a health romantic relationship, reality checks on what you may be doing wrong, and gives you the freedom to be yourself in moments when you may not be able to present that side to your partner. Which brings us to our next topic.
Don’t set yourself up for failure by taking on the personality traits and actions of your partner. If this
happens to be the case, then you may want to reconsider your compatibility with the one you have chosen to ‘settle down with’.
You don’t want to allow yourself to be over-involved in a relationship with someone that you eventually find is not sharing the same views that you once had. It is important to sacrifice a little self-interest every now in then. Not only will this show respect of the uniqueness of your partner, dabbling in their interests which may ultimately lead to the development of new and healthy interests of your own. However, being over-involved in EVERYTHING that your partner does out of their own self interest can not only leave you feeling drained and at risk of burn-out but cause you to lose your own self-identity in the process.
Another important fact that needs to be taken into consideration is the possibility of relying too much of your partner. Or vice-versa. If you start to feel that you must deny yourself your basic needs and wants in order to make your partner happy and want to be with you or you feel responsible for your partners feelings, then you are risk of developing a codependent relationship.
Not only is codependency a popular problem in relationship, but it is considered a maladaptive personality stemming from a history of abuse, neglect, and/or abandonment. The last thing that you want to surface in your relationship is the feeling that your unmet needs are only satisfied by your partner, leaving your powerless to fend for yourself.
Codependency leads to unhappy relationships as your thoughts and behaviors are always at jeopardy to the one that you hold dear, even against the logic or preference of your own.
Keep Conflicts Fair
Finally, every couple has conflict. We all get into disagreements with our partners. In fact how you
resolve them is often more important than the actual problem. Regardless if the conflict is about your friend’s behaviors, your behaviors, finances, personal struggles, it is important to remember boundaries in the heat of the moment.
Although our impulses and strong beliefs may lead us to want to say exactly what it is on our mind, the way you approach both you and your partners boundaries can make the biggest difference in how this conflict plays out. Set rules for both yourself and your partner. Share these rules with your partner and highlight what happens if these rules are crossed.
Never allow yourself or your partner to violate that line of respect with thoughtless or impulsive attacks of words or behaviors that may be done out of anger. Communicating (there is that word again) and compromising while respecting each other’s boundaries can quickly diffuse a situation, although both partners still may not agree on the issue at hand. Most importantly, never say anything that you can’t take back.
While this focus may not encompass all aspects of boundaries in a relationship, they can definitely get you on the right path to making sure that both you and your partner develop or maintain a healthy and successful relationship. If you find yourself in a relationship that involves continuing boundary violation, despite you making your boundaries known, you may have to consider if you are in a healthy relationship.
Knowing these key areas can help you grow as a person, despite any break-ups or failed relationships. It is important that these boundaries be shared equally. You and your partner can work together to see the product of success. Need more help? Click to get started in shaping the relationship of your dreams with healthy boundaries.